Run as fast as those stubby legs can take you.
Comic: "Good Clean Wholesome Fun" (click for full size)
|Number of Comics||17|
|Dates Published||February 15th - March 23rd 2012|
What Money Buys
Show Business is the 51st arc in Housepets!.
Duchess is seen at the stage for this year's Valentine's Day show, lamenting over last year's disastrous performance. She tells Boris that ever since the title of King and Queen can only be voted to couples, she has been unable to win. Looking for a partner to suit her, she approaches King, as he had won a regional dog pageant while Pete was still his owner. He initially refuses, but immediately changes his mind when Duchess tells him he will be paid handsomely.
Though King needs the money, he has his doubts, and considers calling Bailey about it. Duchess scoffs at the notion that a dog can have a girlfriend, as she feels it's a human imposition, and that being a dog is about being with whoever is convenient at the time.
King calls Bailey later that day and explains the situation. Bailey, who is milking a cow, tells him she's okay with it, as long as he doesn't get into too much trouble. King is still trying to get a cellphone to call Bailey with, as he's restricted to the landline.
Later the two are getting ready for the show. Boris is forcefully giving King a bath while Duchess brushes her fur. Duchess instructs King on the things that win novelty shows, superficial things such as Regality, Cuteness and Intelligence. When King asks if they judge on things like Honor, Reason and Compassion, Duchess tells him that he has to deliberately pervert them.
As the two enter the competition, Duchess runs into her fellow competitor, a collie named Colleen and her date, a Border Collie named Karo, and the two proceed to belittle and insult each other (and King as well, even though they are aware he is standing right there.)
The show begins, and the judges analyze King and Duchess, who gives a whole speech about having "Good Clean Wholesome Fun," and among other things. As soon as they leave, Duchess shoves King off her lap and goes off to try and sabotage Karo. When King berates on her hypocrisy on 'sportsmanship', she claims it's a separate trophy.
In the end, King and Duchess end up placing third, losing to Karo and Colleen, infuriating Duchess. After seeing King talking to Bailey (on his newly purchased cell phone), about how he and Duchess had no chemistry, Duchess realizes that she spent so much time being underhanded that she didn't do enough to convince the judges that she and King were actually a couple. Realizing that they can never have a true connection so long as King has a girlfriend, she decides to take matters into her own hands, and tells Boris to 'get the love whip.'
Returning home, King is informed by Miles that his 'girlfriend' is waiting for him in his room. King is obviously confused, as Bailey lives in all the way in Kansas. Opening the door to his room, to his shock he finds Duchess in his bed, holding a pair of handcuffs and a whip in her teeth, offering him to 'snuggle' up with her. In a state of panic, King shouts that he has to go somewhere really fast and flees the house, with Duchess in hot pursuit. Miles is completely oblivious to the situation.
King first runs to Fox's house and bangs on his window, but Fox is unable to hear him due to having his headphones in. He then high-tails it to Tarot's, who tells him she cannot interfere, despite the fact Duchess has zero knowledge of his watch or The Game. Sasha doesn't answer her door either due to watching Jeopardy! King frustratedly exclaims he'll take help from absolutely anyone at that point, where upon he sees Bino out building a snow dog...and keeps running.
Duchess manages to catch up, forcing King to hide in a nearby toolshed. Seeing supplies on the ground, he comes up with a MacGyver-esque plan; hitting Duchess on the head with a shovel.
Back in bed, King is talking to Bailey about the night's events over the phone, terrified that Duchess will reappear. Bailey assures him the Miltons and the Wolves will protect him, and that Duchess probably won't even remember why she was chasing him in the first place. Bailey tells King that she loves him, and that he can let go of the shovel now (he didn't tell her, they just click like that), as he's still gripping it in fear, but he whines that his fingers won't unclench.
The next morning Bino discovers Duchess, with a massive bump on her head and unable to remember the events of the previous night, in the toolshed and angrily kicks her out. She snarkily tells him to slam his head in a furnace as she leaves, causing Bino to realize he may be in love with her.
- This is the first arc to star Duchess, who was introduced in The Artist Makes No Claims To The Accuracy Of The View, six months prior.
- King purchases a cellphone to call Bailey with.
- Bino realizes he has a crush on Duchess, foreshadowing their future relationship.
- While King is partaking in the contest, he is lacking his signature chess-piece on his collar.
- Sasha is watching Jeopardy!, a game show where contestants are required to answer in the form of a question.
- MacGyver was a TV series that aired in 1985, whose main character was known for using everyday materials to solve complex problems.